6 easy ways to kick the quarter-life-crisis
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It feels overwhelming. You start your first job as a graduate and feel great. You made it. You are earning good money, you're paying your own bills and you are in control. On the outside life is good.
On the inside you start to feel this niggly, unsettled feeling. All of the things that were making you happy are suddenly no longer fulfilling; but you can't put your finger on why? Small doubts start to flicker across your mind such as 'is this really what I want to do?', 'is this really all there is?' or 'there's got to be more to life?'. Where there used to be a plan, you now feel; lost, overwhelmed and dissatisfied. This period of uncertainty, my friend, is the quarter-life-crisis. Clinical psychologist Alex Fowke defines it as “a period of insecurity, doubt and disappointment surrounding your career, relationships and financial situation”. It’s a pain in the ass and it’s 100% real.
Alex Fowke defines it as “a period of insecurity, doubt and disappointment surrounding your career, relationships and financial situation”. It’s a pain in the ass and it’s 100% real.
All the way through our lives we're governed by our education. We go to; primary school, secondary school, college/sixth form and some people go on to university. But what happens when that road map suddenly ends? When there is no longer a structure to follow and you're stood staring at the big wide world with a spinning compas? The overwhelming opportunities can make it difficult to focus or feel stability and that 'grass is greener on the other side' feeling, leaves us with a perpetual sense of dissatisfaction.
No-one talks about it because everyone appears to 'have it all together'. Whilst inside, we're insecure and completely lost. I thought I was too young to feel this way and if I admitted it, it meant that I was failing. It's easier to put on a brave face and smile while the world goes on around you. But let me tell you...you're not alone and it's more common than you think.
As human beings we like direction and we don't like change. Uncertainty sparks fear and our brains start to fill in the gaps with worst case scenario suggestions and then kick back, eat popcorn and watch you spin into a whirlwind of anxiety induced day drinking and social media addiction. Thanks brain!
I was stressed and my stress manifested itself as fatigue. It took me a long time to figure this out, with multiple visits to the GP. I finally realised that my true values and my reality weren't aligned and every day was a continuous battle and contradiction. I was passively accepting what came my way and lacked conviction because I was overwhelmed with choice; struggling to find my own identity in the world and lacking direction. I wasn't happy, I wasn't fulfilled and I wasn't well.
Here's how to overcome the quarter-life-crisis and own your life like the absolute boss that you are:
1. Take a step back
Remove yourself from the centre of the whirlpool for a short period of time. Really look at what's going on and how you feel. It's time to realise that the spinning compass is showing you all of the opportunities available to you, you just have to choose a direction. But know, you can always change your mind. Journalling is a great tool to use at this point, particularly free writing. Run a bath, light your favourite candle (this one’s to die for!), let the pen hit the paper and see where it takes you.
2. Get clear on your dream
Your dream is where you see yourself if there were no barriers or obstacles. I want you to immerse yourself in this image. See it, hear it, smell it, taste it, feel it. Make it all encompassing and that way it’ll become your reality. Create a mission statement for your life and say it every day when you wake up.
3. Ditch the deadwood
You get to a point where you realise the things that no longer serve you or build you up as a person, are not worth your time. This may be relationships, friendships, jobs etc. Get rid of the toxicity and mood hoovers and start prioritising yourself. You may start this with a social media or phone book cleanse - delete all of the moaners or random guys names from a one night hook-up and leave the people who truly inspire you. Free your time and attention up for the people that matter.
I’m a huge fan of social media, as long as you use it to enhance your life and build a resilience to make it work for you. You have the chance to cultivate your news feed to show only those things that inspire you, join groups which support your interests and connect with people who lift your soul.
4. Invest in you
It’s okay to be selfish and prioritise yourself. Be your own biggest fan and love yourself first. It's not actually selfish, it's self preservation. How can you expect to give any energy or love to other people, when you don’t have any for yourself. This is a journey that everyone has to go through individually and discover for themselves. We all learn to find strength and deal with life’s obstacles in different ways and sometimes you just have to go through it. Find the lesson in every situation and use it to your advantage.
Low self-esteem and low confidence can be debilitating. Often, we are drawn towards measuring success by money or status. Instead, concentrate on building your intrinsic self-worth instead of focusing on money/image.
5. Set yourself some goals
Make sure you're true to yourself and make these goals personal. What do YOU want to achieve? These goals should align with your core values and support your personality type. I have created a short, self-discovery course here to help you with figuring this out.
6. Create an action plan
An action plan is your roadmap to success, whatever that looks like for you. I like to split it into overall dreams, yearly goals and weekly targets. This makes it feel bitesize and manageable. Like a tray of thorntons chocolates and before you know it, you've eaten the lot! As Tim Minchin once said ‘Be micro-amibitious’, put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you. You never know where you might end up’.
Be aware that the benchmarks for 'adulthood' have changed. As society shifts and values move with it, we’ve seen a trend in people getting married and having children later, difficulty with getting on the property ladder and more women in managerial/entrepreneurial roles. Don’t set your life goals, based on your parents generation. Do what feels right for you in this moment.
6. Get a planner
The best way to create an action plan is to write it down. Having goals and an action plan allows you to take small actionable steps to move forwards. It's easy to let things slide when you're feeling overwhelmed and no-one needs the added guilt of missing your friends birthday right?
I've created a planner which walks you through this process step-by-step, for those of you that like to have a prompt click here to download it and let's see where the magic of harnessing change can take us.
Thank you for reading!
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