The main reason for feeling unfulfilled
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Have you experienced it? The feeling of cruising through life with no direction, purpose or intention. Yes, you're comfortable and have everything that you should want in life but you feel empty. And then comes the associated guilt with wanting more…as if you don't already feel bad enough. These feelings often occur when we're living a reactive lifestyle instead of proactively fulfilling our purpose.
The feeling of being unfulfilled is the most demoralising sensation. You start to lack motivation and in turn your confidence decreases. Everyone feels lost at some point but if this is starting to become more frequent then it's time to break the cycle.
I remember sitting on the edge of my bed, 6 months into my relationship, crying my eyes out knowing full well I wasn't happy. The next day I'd brush it off as ‘a bad day’ and continie like nothing was wrong. Meanwhile, that feeling of unease and dissatisfaction was steadily growing and I was kidding myself, and the outside world, that everything was rosy.
You’ll know when you’re unfulfilled. You’ll feel it. It's time to start listening to your body and trusting your intuition. Our bodies react in specific ways to tell us that something is out of alignment: butterflies when we're nervous, fatigue when we're stressed, blushing when we feel embarrased and our hairs standing on end when we sense danger. Our bodies are highly tuned to react to the smallest imbalances, its time to listen.
It might start out with passing thoughts such as ‘there's got to be more to life’ or ‘am I really happy’, but it’s important to notice these thoughts and address them before things snowball.
One of the most common reasons for feeling unfulfilled is a lack of challenge. What do I mean by that? We design everything in life to make things as easy or as efficient as possible. This means that we never have to figure things out or challenge ourselves. If we had to walk a mile for our water every day, that would feel like a win and we’d experience gratitude for our efforts. We take all of our daily activities for granted, maybe through ignorance and privilege, so we need to look for challenge in new and different ways.
I found this when I was backpacking. My favourite places to travel were in South America because we had to learn to; speak Spanish, we used only local transport, and booked everything individually instead of going on a package tour. It was challenging, it took planning and it was exhilarating. One night we got dropped off at a bus station at 11.30pm with no lights, no internet and limited conversation in ‘spanglish’ (our terrible attempt at Spanish with a few English words thrown in!). Whilst we took calculated risks, the satisfaction of the challenge was far greater.
One sure-fire way to give yourself a sudden boost is to try something new. Get out of your comfort zone and really challenge yourself. You’ll experience success, achievement and gratitude, all very powerful emotions. Your energy will be contagious and you will start to attract people into your life with a similar vibe.
I saw it in myself. After my relationship broke down, the first thing I did (after 3 months of being an emotional wreck) was to set myself some new challenges. In the following 3 years I got a promotion, backpacked around the world, bought a new car, went skiing for the first time, went scuba-diving for the first time, climbed to Everest base camp…you get the gist. This is powerful stuff.
But where do you start? And what if you're no good? Well here’s a few pointers to consider:
Get to know yourself on a new level
The first place to start is getting to know yourself better. Get really clear on your values and morals (I’ve created this mini-course to guide you). Set boundaries and SMART goals to give yourself protected ‘me time’ and establish your priorities. You could use the goal and achievement jar method which is good for the overall picture but I think for this process we really need to break it down into dreams, goals and actions. My workbook goes into this process in more detail. If you want to feel invigorated and have a reason to spring out of bed every morning, give this a go.
Light that fire
The next step to get motivated is to find something that you're passionate about. Be that your hobby or your job, always look for something that lights a fire underneath you and sparks your ass into action! This might mean you need to try multiple new things until you find something that sticks.
You are the heroine of your own story and you’re holding the pen. You get to decide what’s written and what will happen next. The only person who needs to understand your dream is you. Taking responsibility for your life means you don’t miss out on opportunities whilst twirling your thumbs and waiting for someone to show you the way.
Look for fulfilment on the inside.
We’re talking about gratitude, pride and a sense of personal achievement. We’re often told that feeling these things is ‘big headed’ or arrogant. It’s okay to be proud of yourself. You have a life purpose and only you can do what you do, the way that you do it. You were put on this planet for a reason. The odds of you being born with your exact genetic make-up are about one in 400 trillion. You are a miracle.
Increase your social circle.
Figure out who your true friends are and who are just acquaintances and split your time accordingly. Love your true friends like sisters and give them the time that they deserve. Your sisters are your tribe. They cheer on your successes with you and lend a shoulder to cry on in your time of need. The Facebook group is a perfect place to meet new people and nurture these relationships. Reach out to others, compliment them and share your story - you never know who you might inspire.
And what if you’re no good? Well, everyone started out as a novice. Fail your way forwards and take each mistake as a lesson. There is a wonderful quote by Erin Hanson…
'There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?
This is where my free lifestyle planner comes in. It's the first step to start setting yourself some mini-challenges, creating healthy habits, holding yourself accountable and feeling a sense of accomplishment. If you’ve not already got it, grab yours now to start your journey today. Once you’ve filled in the next week, drop a picture in the Facebook group with the hashtag #lifestyleplanner. Let’s see your ideas.
You'll start to realise that you're capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. You have so many hidden talents, you just need to search for them. Expand your mind, unleash your creativity and see where the process takes you.
Thank you for reading!
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