Why we need social connection and the 10 best ways to achieve it - Part 1
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Have you felt it? When you feel a deep, spiritual connection to a person. In that instant moment, everything else melts away. You feel boosted with excitement and captivated by their energy; nothing else you’ve experienced has lit you up in this way. The conversation feels super easy and it just has a natural flow. This is social connection in its purest, natural form. You just click.
Good connection releases dopamine into our bodies and we get a hit of the ‘feel-good hormones’. You may find, in these cases, that you mirror people’s behaviours, language or tone of voice; (I’m going to get all science-y for a minute!) this is due to structures in our brains called mirror neurones. These neurones allow us to feel the emotions of other people through empathy and emotional contagion. Have you noticed that when you smile, others smile back? Or that laughter and yawns have a domino effect? That’s all due to these little guys. We pick up on, and imitate, the behaviours and emotions around us. So what does this mean?
We can use this to our advantage. Happiness has been proven to be more contagious than sadness, so if we chose to surround ourselves with happy, positive people, it will lift our mood immediately. This also means that we should think carefully before we say anything, especially if it’s negative, as our emotional state can also be contagious to others.
We've been hardwired to live in social groups since the hunter-gatherer days for safety, efficiency and interaction. We learn faster and act smarter in social groups and we strive to continue our bloodline through finding a mate. Connection is one of our basic human drivers which is activated from the day that we’re born with the first attachment with our mum.
In the modern age, we seem to be lonelier now than ever before. With an increase in technology and social media, we have multiple superficial relationships but how many of them are of the deep, impactful, supportive kind? Connection doesn't mean how many friends you have, it's the quality of those friendships and your internal ability to feel connected to others.
But what if we flip that on its head? We're able to reach out and connect with people in new and innovative ways, which I find amazing. Having a Facebook community has been an incredible experience and I’ve made lots of new friendships over the years, some of whom I’ve met up with in person. Our actions, ideas, and work have the ability to affect the world around us in profound ways. Your story can inspire someone else to change their course and you now have the ability to connect with the world.
Types of connection:
We can connect in many different ways. There is so much to talk about on this topic but I don’t want out to be overwhelming so I’ve split it into 2 parts. The following blog post will look at 10 ways to help to form these intimate connections with the people around us to build our social network and have more fulfilling relationships. For now, here is a break-down of the three main types of connection in our lives and how they can influence us:
Social connection
We’re naturally driven to share our experiences and crave the external feedback of others. This is why social media exists and is so popular. People want to share to feel validated. Social connection strengthens our identity and makes us feel part of something bigger than ourselves. It gives us a sense of belonging and being wanted. This drive is so strong that people sadly take their lives if they don’t feel that they belong or are loved.
Just as you can be surrounded by people and feel lonely, you also have the ability to flip your mindset and feel deeply connected; whether it’s an intimate relationship, a friendship or a family member. That is the power of social connection.
Internal connection
Are you in tune with yourself? Are you vibing on a level that you’re happy with and that leaves you feeling fulfilled? Do you feel that you are allowing yourself to fully connect with others or do you have a barrier up?
Understanding your core values and being fully present are key to unlocking this ability and living vulnerably to allow for those deeper connections. Often we don’t commit ourselves because we’re scared of getting hurt due to past experiences. We’ve all been hurt before but you can’t expect to have a deep and intimate relationship with someone if you’re not fully invested. Does it make you feel vulnerable? YES. Does it make you feel unsure? YES. Do you have the most incredible relationship? YES.
Setting boundaries and clear communication can reduce the risk of being hurt and also allow you to lower your barriers whilst feeling safe and in control.
Connection with nature
Nothing clears your mind more than getting out in the great outdoors. When you go for a walk and notice all of the life and energy that surrounds you, it brings a sense of well-being. It helps us to understand our place in the world whilst filling us with gratitude and calmness.
Currently I’m writing this post whilst sat in the park. Sitting here people-watching gives me a real sense of happiness. Happiness that we haven't really lost the ability to interact. There are families playing, friends talking and couples walking side-by-side. Being outside gives people the space to let go of their daily stresses and enjoy the smells, sounds and sights of nature at its best.
“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.' - Brené Brown
Thank you for reading!
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